Sunday, March 1, 2015

The Padlock and the Key……a Zen Fable for our times.

The Padlock and the Key……a Zen Fable for our times.

This story, in bits and pieces, was found in and put together from palm leaves found in a long lost monastery hidden in the wilds of the tibetan mountains and was reputed to be written in the 11th century by the Great Lama Gan-fong-shing. This is all we could find of the ancient wisdom imparted to us by the sages of the ages…

So there was this big beautiful padlock made of finely polished brass with steel lined tumblers inside guarding a safe with great wealth for whosoever had the luck to unlock it and claim for their own. Now this proud and strong lock had a mind of its own and whenever some key came near to unlock- it closed itself off and said “now go on , on your way, how can such a pathetic little creature like a key enter inside me and get my treasures. It takes a big brass lock with strong steel tumblers to even approach me, let alone touch me, open me up and take my hidden wealth” and listening to the padlock the poor keys slinked away with their tails tucked behind while the padlock hung there time after time, guarding the safe and its secrets and still awaiting the other padlock- shiny and new – which will open it at a touch. And it still waits. For no one ever told the lock or it never learned by itself that like doesn’t fit like in the real world- it’s always the diametric opposite which makes a difference and all the locks in the world however they look and feel similar cannot open each other up and all it takes is a tiny little key, although tarnished in glitter and unmatched in size but still has the right combination to open up the padlock’s secure and strong tumblers and bring rest to its seeking heart by being the right fit. The secret is- the key doesn’t matter as long as it fits. Now if only all the padlocks of this world realized this.

(P.s.Although I wrote this story once to use as a pick-up line for a girl who wasn’t interested in me but looking at other options-similar option with same tastes, somehow I never got the chance to use it on her as she moved onto the other options before I could even talk to her. So any one else needing a pick up line -please feel free to use this as your own invention- no copyright required….best of luck)

Saturday, February 28, 2015

The Desperate and The Doormat.

The Desperate and The Doormat.

Love is a beautiful emotion and falling in love is one of the most exciting things which can happen in any person’s life. But. As you give love make sure that you receive love too. If the love you are giving is being taken for granted and worse being completely unacknowledged and accepted as a matter of right, does that seem right to you? What do you do when the love you are sharing is not appreciated in the least and all you are left with is the feeling that you have been completely taken advantage of?

I would be the first one to argue that love is selfless and with true love you can keep on giving. But there is also the little matter of personal dignity and self pride (which is a far cry from ego). Everyone has a right to look into the mirror and feel proud of themselves for they alone know their own stories and struggles to reach where they are. But to have that struggle, that story, being sublimated to the wants of another person- all the time- and not just once or twice- then it becomes a matter for retrieving your persona from an uncaring recipient of all your love largess.

Three things define such relationships-

1.     You are constantly playing second fiddle and putting your own happiness behind the other persons- merely because you have a big heart which is accommodating all their whims and fancies despite your personal dislikes,

2.     Secondly you tend to take the longer view of the picture and don’t mind any immediate sacrifices as you feel at some point or other this will not matter and they will reciprocate in turn with time

3.     And finally you spend all the time picking up their slack and making up credible excuses – to yourself – explaining the other persons unkind treatment of you- despite the longest rope you can possibly give them to realize their high handed dismissal of your legitimate concerns.

I agree that unconditional love is all about loving with all your heart unconditionally and without any expectations in return. But a relationship is not unconditional- it has its own set of rules and guides. Like every other human relationship, love too requires sympathy, empathy, respect and value for all the unconditional love you are pouring out there at the other person’s feet. If they don ‘give anything back then all your sacrifices are in vain as they prove themselves to be merely selfish in their pursuit of their own goals and it becomes crystal clear that they are in it for what they can get out of you and never ever change their behavior. Such parasitism is not love and clearly doesn't deserve the unconditional love we are talking about. Receiving unconditional love is just as important as giving it otherwise that beautiful gesture turns into disappointment, doubts and anger and most often sounds the death knell of the relationship.

The point about loving unconditionally is also doing the same for yourself- putting your needs and wants at par with your loved ones. If they deserve all the happiness they get from you- remember, you deserve no less. Your needs, wants and desires are as important as theirs and you can’t be used and abused for the sake of love. When you end up giving too much of yourself without the slightest reciprocity – you feel drained of everything important in your life and it’s as if you got the dementors kiss (the soul sucking one from harry potter?)

You can give and give and give but ultimately you have to stop somewhere and point out the obvious- that if you are a self respecting person- basic decency, courtesy and selfless are all required part of a relationship on both sides. You deserve to receive an equal part of the love and sacrifice you are putting out there for the other person- if they don’t reciprocate it shows their unkind nature and unsuitability for the kind of unconditional love we are talking about here.

I am not talking about keeping score here- it doesn't matter a damn if they reciprocate equally or not, but they do have to show some way to prove that they are not egocentric. Its normal- you cant help but notice that you are giving more and more and the are giving back less and less and that you are trying too hard to just keep it going despite their uncaring. Does this imply that you are the desperate one who will do anything just anything to keep it going rather than face the truth, confront them and explain to them what you want them to do about the things that hurt you?

So it becomes desperately necessary to reevaluate such a relationship, to put yourself first and stop being such a doormat. Remember it’s the desperate people who get walked all over. Those who love themselves and are self confident and realize that their own happiness comes second to none will take no BS- even if it’s from a loved one. In the end it boils down to this if you have the slightest iota of self pride and confidence in yourself it becomes the wisest course to walk out of relationships which suck everything you give and give back nothing in return. You, we, I, can do definitely better than such people, right friends? 

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Marry a Girl

Marry a Girl

After reading through a couple dozen blog posts on who to marry- they typically go like Marry a Writer, Marry a Reader, Marry a Doctor, Marry a Lawyer and many, many variations of these thereof, I decided to write my own version of who to marry.

So here are the top 5 reasons of why you should marry a - Girl

1)    Marry a Girl- because she is a….. Well…. face it, of the opposite sex and made just right for, hmmm, uhhh, the, well…. the… you know, sex?
2)    Marry a Girl- because we all (all men) need someone who can read fifty shades of expressions from our faces when we are capable of showing only one fixed expression for all situations.
3)    Marry a Girl – because we need someone to make plans for us in our lives other than the standard pop onto the sofa with a bag of potato chips and watch the match, the post match commentary, highlights of the match and reruns of old matches- plans we have for our standard days.
4)    Marry a Girl- because they are the only creatures capable of breaking through our manly reserves and emotional dryness and making us shed tears unabashedly….
5)    Marry a Girl- because they are all sweet and cuddly and chocolaty and make our lives all bright and happy.

So, who needs any more labels than this?